I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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