and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
