So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
