its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize