We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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