i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
