No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
