this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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