The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
