I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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