she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
