either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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