I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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