dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My boob is missing a layer of skin
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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