There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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