I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
