Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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