OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
