why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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