I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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