I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize