he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
