he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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