i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
