The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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