she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize