he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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