is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
