Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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