Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
