Are we in a gay sports bar?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
