I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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