Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
