nut hugger
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
