it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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