Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
