If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
