I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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