I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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