so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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