you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I think I am morally bankrupt
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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