Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
