I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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