i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
