I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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