i permit you to call me
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
