you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
