I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize