miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
