Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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