Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize