Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I AM VODKA MAN
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
