Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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