you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
