Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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