..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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