my mouth tastes like poor choices
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
