i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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