News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
