i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
