yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
