yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
