thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
