Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
