never play flip cup with pint glasses
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize