The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
