drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Is it because I queefed?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
