You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
