You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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