R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
