idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
