You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
