Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
