He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize