I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
