Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
