I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
