On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
