Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
