i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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