he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
