She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
