I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
