I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
