so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
it's great music for shaving your balls
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
