Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
