I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Randomize
