suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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